An Author's Odyssey

Yay! 2009 is nearly over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-31T12:41:00.000-08:00

Let me offer my apologies for being so crap at blogging. I find twitter much quicker for putting my thoughts down on and being frank 2009 has been such a terrible year for me that I couldn’t be bothered to chart all the miserable things that have happened to me.

Anyhoo, on a lighter note, what has been good this year? Well, in June I finally got to see the live version of War of the Worlds. I know I’m a complete geek but it was awesome and also slightly worrying that I knew every single word to every single song. The O2 is an awesome venue and even though we were about 300 floors up, we could see everything really clearly. In August, I went to see Oliver at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane and discovered that it was designed for people who were 5 foot tall. I left with me legs numb and my mum feeling remorseful after thinking she was treating me. The show was great, but it’s hard to appreciate anything when you’re in pain. Finally last month I went to see La Cage aux Folles with John Barrowman. I know he is a major cheese, but he was excellent in the show and I really enjoyed it. Shame that two days later I was involved in a car crash and my beloved Reggie was written off ;-(

I’ve also published two novels – Two Become One and Winner Takes it All. I also wrote three, The True Tale of Jezebel Cole, Glittering Prize and My Funny Valentine, my latest one which I think will be called something different when I publish. As normal, sales of my books are pretty dismal, but I have a band of loyal readers and it’s a hobby I really enjoy and who knows, maybe one day someone famous will pick up my book in a second hand shop and rush to their agent, demanding this fabulous writer is contacted immediately.

I am looking back at the predictions I made at the end of 2008 and am going to see what was right and what was wrong (let’s face it, probably all of it).

Music – I see a return to disco. People’s lives are going to be miserable enough. I think uplifting music is going to be required – Umm, not entirely misguided. Electronic stuff like Lady Gaga, Little Boots, La Roux etc have become huge this year, all pretty poppy, all pretty disco-y!

Television – the death knell of reality TV. There have been too many scandals and allegations of fixing for it to survive much longer – well Big Brother died the death, people were bored with I’m a Celebrity and Strictly Come Dancing look pretty much on their last legs.

Late entry - Sean Pertwee to be named new Doctor Who – er no. It was Matt Smith (who? You ask)

Books – the rise of self published authors. I’m not just saying that because I am one but publishers are just taking on rubbish celebrities to ‘write’ novels and aren’t investing money in anyone with actual talent. The world is now the oyster for writers to create their own work and I think it’s going to flourish. – Yeah dream on, same old shit, same old Katie Price!

There is no point in making predictions for next year but I can guarantee that there is no way it can be anyway as shocking, celebrity death ridden, and controversial as this one.

Finally, my End of Year Awards* (using the same categories as last year)

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR – Miranda – yes it’s cheesy, it’s too 70’s, it’s all about Miranda but I loved this programme so much. It took me back to my childhood and made me laugh and there’s something about an overly tall, clumsy, largely built, unlucky in love, thirty something woman that resonates with me and I don’t know why!

Runner up : Ashes to Ashes and Torchwood – Children of Men.

HERO OF THE YEAR – Dannii Minogue – has picked herself up from being Kylie’s Sister and Cheryl Cole’s co-star and emerged in her own right. And most of all, proving that us ladies pushing 40 can take on whipper snappers in their 20’s and come out looking fabber!

Runner up : Miranda Hart.

FILM OF THE YEAR – Fish Tank. It’s the only film I saw this year that I clearly remember. That’s how shitty 2009 has been for movies.

Runner up : 2012 for sheer ridiculousnessD

DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE YEAR – Victoria Wood’s Midlife Christmas. I love Victoria Wood, but this just wasn’t funny. Too many people, just like every other sketch show that just rehashes BBC programmes. Made me reach for youtube and all the clips of Acorn Antiques.

Runner up : Liverpool’s performance in the premiership this season. Robbie William's comeback.

HYPOCRITE OF THE YEAR – MPs. They lecture us on tightening our belts and making do with the worst economic crisis in modern times and then get away with spending tax payers money on dirty films and second homes.

Runner up : Michael Parkinson.

MOST RIDICULOUS SOAP OPERA STORY OF THE YEAR – Yep, it’s Eastenders again and Darren Miller being exposed as the father of Heather’s baby. Ugh, wrong on so many levels.

Runner up : Anything that happens in Emmerdale – again!

MOST ANNOYING TV SHOW – The Alan Titchmarsh Show. This is the Daily Mail in televisual form.

Runner up : Big Brother MOST UNDERTATED SHOWBIZ PERSON IN THE WORLD – Matt Bellamy. I know Muse are huge and greatly loved, but come on, he’s a musical genius and should be president of the whole world.

Runner up : Graham in Coronation Street – he is a comic genius.

YES I’M BORED WITH YOU NOW – Katie and Peter. They’ve had their 15 minutes, please go away now. I’m sick of seeing you on the cover of every magazine and reading the ins and outs of every bit of their sordid marriage.

Runner up : David Tennant (although after tomorrow, I’m guessing we won’t see as much of him).

I’m off the crack open the champers now. Stick two fingers up to this horrid horrid year and hope the new decade brings happiness for us all.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

*If Piers Morgan can do it, why can’t I?

Fish Tank - Movie review

2009-09-17T14:10:00.000-07:00

When I was doing my A’level Communication Studies, we did a module on Ken Loach and one of the films we watched was Family Life starring Sandy Ratcliff (who went on to play Sue in Eastenders – she must be a glutton for punishment) about a young woman who is forced into an abortion by her parents and then descends into mental breakdown. It was at the time labelled as the most depressing film ever made. I’m not sure if it is still considered that, but I have to say Andrea Arnold’s Fish Tank comes a close second if it is. My recollections of Andrea Arnold is of the bubbly haired children’s TV presenter on No.73 so it comes as a bit of shock to find her behind the lens of this misery-fest.

Fish Tank tells the story of fifteen year old Mia (Katie Jarvis), who has been kicked out of school and is living in a skanky council flat with an equally skanky mother and a little sister with a mouth so foul, she could give Bobb’e J Thompson in Role Models a run for his money. Mia is a loner whose only outlet in life is to do hip hop dancing in an abandoned flat on her estate. Into her life comes Connor (Michael Fassbender), her mother’s latest squeeze. A sexy, charming Irishman who is seducer, father figure and predatory ephebophiliac rolled into one. The sexual chemistry between him and Mia crackles along and you can never quite tell if he’s grooming her or it’s a genuine attraction he can’t fight. At the same time Mia becomes friends with Kyle (Harry Treadaway) a young Gypsy boy who saves her from being raped.

With these men in her life, Mia slowly transforms from sulky child-woman to a young girl having to deal with the pressures and heartaches that adult life brings and all without the support of a mother or friends. Katie Jarvis (an unknown plucked off the streets by Arnold) is a revelation, acting the socks off actresses twice her age with a lifetime of experience and a degree in dramatic arts. I predict great things for her.

The downside is that you get the feeling Arnold is just trying too hard. There are several shots of landscapes that last for what feels like thirty seconds, with nothing at all happening. There is very little humour in this film, in comparison to say Shane Meadows’ This is England, that while dealing with a depressing subject matter, still contains moments of hilarity, mainly coming from Thomas Turgoose playing the little big man. I get the feeling Arnold is trying to be taken seriously and so has gone over the top in piling on the misery. The film contains everything; underage sex, profanity, ten year olds smoking, underage drinking. Name a shock factor and Fish Tank has it in abundance.

The upside is that it is realistic; low budget but doesn’t show it; the improvised dialogue lends an air of authenticity and I would put money on the supporting artists being local, Barking residents which makes it seem real. Added to this, the use of Bobby Womack in the soundtrack has made me revisit his back catalogue – and you know what. It’s really good!

Muse - The Resistance

2009-09-12T14:13:00.000-07:00

Muse are back after a three year hiatus with this album, influenced by George Orwell’s 1984. Their last album Black Holes and Revelations was a loud, bombastic affair that climaxed with the rather insane but brilliant Knights of Cydonia (in my opinion the greatest record ever made). Interestingly, the closing riff to KoC has similarities to the Doctor Who theme and the opening track of The Resistance, Uprising more than borrows from the Doctor Who theme. In fact it is Gary Glitter re-writing the Doctor Who theme (before he was exposed as a pervert of course). Vocally, Matt Bellamy sounds so different in the opening verse that I thought it was the wrong album I was listening to!

Track two, Resistance is an eighties tinged affair that reminds me of the soundtrack to something like Rocky or the Karate Kid, where the hero has to face a challenge of some sort and this would provide the soundtrack to slow motion shots of them training and gradually improving. Lyrically this track pertains the most to 1984 and the forbidden love between Winston and Julia.

Track Three, Undisclosed Desires is my least favourite of the album. The opening chords sounds more like Justin Timberlake ft Timbaland than Muse. The R&B beat remains throughout the entire song and to me is too commercial. Back in the old days, it would have been a B-Side.

Now for the United States of Eurasia. I thought Knights of Cydonia was the craziest record ever, but USoE makes KoC look like a Leona Lewis offering! This is the closest Muse have come to Queen, almost to the point of parody. I get the feeling it is being sung with Bellamy’s tongue placed firmly in his cheek. I could almost imagine him coming onto the stage dressed as Mozart and singing it at a piano with a candelabra placed on top. Without doubt the highlight of the album.

Track five, Guiding Light is a come down from United States of Eurasia. More eighties drum beats, stirring vocals and is closely related to Invincible from Black Holes. This is the one I would put money on being used as the backing track for trailers on BBC.

Unnatural Selection is a rollercoaster ride that starts on with a church organ reminiscent of Meglomania from Origin of Symmetry. It rocks up to sound like the soundtrack of a computer game that involves stealing cars. We then have a Radiohead-like come down section before it builds to a final Judas Priest style closing riff.

Track seven, MK Ultra (sounds like a brand of cigarettes), classical guitar riffs, doom ridden lyrics make this the track that sounds as though it belongs on BHAR. Great driving music.

Track eight You Belong To Me, is the most surprising track on the album. The opening piano riff reminds me of Maroon 5 (trust me that doesn’t last long) but there is a rather jaunty ‘whooh’ from Mr Bellamy. Probably the most radio friendly track on the album, well, that is until we descend into the rather mad French vocals before ending with a Queen style pomp stomp.

The album closes with a three part symphony – Exogenesis. Part 1, Overture sounds like a rather old fashioned film soundtrack. Part 2, Cross-Pollination begins as a soft ballad but builds to a crescendo of apocalyptic lyrics and eighties drum beats. Part 3, Redemption begins sounding a lot like Moonlight Sonata but once the vocals kick in, sounds like the closing credits of a Bruce Willis move, except in this one he hasn’t managed to save the planet from that approaching asteroid; the human race is doomed and we may as well accept it and just stand outside and watch as Armageddon arrives.

Whatever you pay for The Resistance you are going to get your money’s worth. The album has everything – strings, guitars, special effects, different genres of music. But I do feel this is Muse’s marmite album. People are either going to love it or hate it. The high drama and changes of tempo are not going to appeal to everyone but if you’re a fan or Radiohead or Queen, this album will sit happily alongside the very best both of them had to offer.

R.I.P Little Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

My admiration for Michael Jackson stopped at Thriller. By the time he released BAD, I started to get bored of him and I never bought another album by him, so I am not going to write some gushing obituary about him because I wasn’t a fan so I’m not going to hypocritical. Adult Michael Jackson was so far removed from anything I actually admire in so many ways that I had very little time for him and couldn’t understand the gushing displays of affection he solicited from people.

However, up to Thriller, I thought he was wonderful. I must have sat and watched The Making of Thriller about ten times round my friend’s house (I didn’t have a video). With childish awe, I would gasp with shock at that moment at the end when he turns to the camera with those yellow, devilish eyes.

What makes me sad is watching the news footage of him as a small boy, so cute and talented and I can imagine the impact seeing such a gorgeous child had upon the world. It is heartbreaking then to discover that that adorable, dancing boy was practically forced into performing by a domineering father who thought nothing of using his fists or a belt to get what he wanted. Joseph Jackson took the concept of ‘Showbiz Parent’ to the max. Yes, Michael was a musical genius, there is no doubt about that and any decent parent wants their kid to fulfil their true potential, but to what cost?

By the time he made ‘Off the Wall’ in the late 70s, Michael was blossoming into a beautiful young man and it is still impossible to comprehend why he wanted to disfigure himself in such a horrific way when he was so good looking. It’s my personal opinion that like an anorexic girl who starves herself to retain a childlike, androgynous figure; Michael couldn’t cope with his burgeoning sexuality and so began to make himself look as asexual and almost unhuman as possible so he didn’t have to cope with the reality of adult relationships.

He was the boy without a childhood who grew up and tried to recapture what he’d missed by buying the friendships of young boys in whom he could see himself. It is not my place to say whether or not abuse took place and it has to be asked what parent allows their young son to sleepover at a thirtysomething man’s house anyway. I’d like to think it was because they bought into the Peter Pan image and saw him as nothing more than a ten year old in a grown man’s body. The more cynical part of me thinks they saw nothing but dollar signs and the fate of their child was secondary to their greed.

Whatever happened, Michael Jackson continued to be a victim of abuse until the day he died. When Joseph saw his little boy was too shy to go on stage without the threat of a beating, he should have called a halt to it. Let Michael grow up and decide for himself if he wanted to make the most of that genius or be like a lot of people who are gifted children but grow into ordinary adults.

So, I am not mourning the adult Michael Jackson; I of course feel sorry for his family and his children but like Elvis, John Lennon, Marc Bolan, Jimi Hendrix and all the other stars that died young, his music will live on so they almost become immortal anyway. I am mourning that beautiful little boy who was forced to live a life he did not choose that ultimately turned him into the adult who never really engaged with reality, opening himself up to all sorts of allegations. Michael may have made millions happy with his music and his dancing; but the question is, did he ever find true happiness himself?

Dreams don’t come true

2009-06-01T11:45:00.000-07:00

If had a teenage daughter (and sadly I am old enough to have one), and she took after me and was tall and..ahem..strapping, but had a pretty face (unlike me!) and after people telling her how attractive she was, decided she wanted to enter Miss England, as much as she would hate me for it, I would do all I could to stop her from doing it. Why? Well I know what a cruel world it is out there and even though my daughter might be stunningly pretty and maybe no more than a size 16, which the average UK dress size. She would be entering a world where anything over a size 10 is considered as fat and rather than risk my (imaginary) child at best being laughed at and at worst ending up on a mortuary slab after starving herself to death to keep up with her skinny peers, I’d rather she hated me for a few months.

But that would be acceptable. We live in a world where it’s still OK to call people fat, to laugh at their shortcomings and stop them doing things because they don’t look quite right.

I’m going to be shot down about this, and have the PC police on my back but I have to get this off my chest. Just like my imaginary chubby daughter with the pretty face but the wrong figure to be a beauty queen; Susan Boyle never was going to be able to cope with the fame that was thrown at her. Cards on the table - the woman has learning difficulties. Just because she doesn’t come across as a drooling simpleton or someone with a sweet, childlike demeanour like Benny from Crossroads, it is a fact that she has been crippled by her limitations all of her life and now it transpires that - like a child - her frustrations manifest themselves in terrible rages. When I wrote my previous blog, praising us all for giving her the chance to shine, I, like everyone else just thought she was a simple soul who’d never been given a break.

The moment she started raging and throwing her weight about, all those people back home in Blackburn started saying they knew she had rages like it and had even nicknamed her ‘Ramboyle’. Her brother whinged to the papers that she had been treated badly by the producers of Britain’s Got Talent and it’s their fault she cracked up. No, it’s all those people around her who have encouraged her to pursue her dream of singing who are at fault. Yes she has a lovely voice, but it’s not that exceptional that it would have been some terrible disaster if we’d never got to hear it. What is more important is this poor woman’s mental health. Her overtly but somehow innocent sexual displays are like a young teenager whose hormones are raging but their body doesn’t know how to cope with them; her tantrums when Piers Morgan praised Shaheen Jafagholi is like a child who wants to be their parent’s special little soldier. She may be 48 years old but mentally she is much younger and those around her should have put the brakes on her showbiz aspirations years ago. OK they live in a small village, but do they not have TV, books, magazines, internet? Day in Day out we’re exposed to the ravages of fame, how people are built up and then knocked down. They should have known this would have happened to Susan and drawn a line under this farce a long time ago.

Equal opportunities are fine but just like companies who use positive discrimination to recruit people to fill quotas are wrong and impractical because it should be about the right person for the job rather than who they represent, so should the same go with things like talent contests and reality TV. Susan Boyle is no Jade Goody – a simpleton academically but with a business brain as sharp as a barrow boy. Susan has genuine problems that will always hold her back.

I watched a programme about Tourette’s syndrome the other day. It was contrasting two young men with the condition. The first one, John is the same age as me, the other was a young lad of 15, and just the twenty years between them had made all the difference. John had grown up in a world where Tourettes was treated like a major embarrassment, his own mother even told him to pull himself together and ended up moving across the border to England. Greg, the younger lad is surrounded by a loving family and friends who think his condition is cool. Well, Susan Boyle is another ten years older than John and no doubt when she was growing up, someone with her condition would not have been given any encouragement to develop and integrate with society so her frustration would turn to anger and violent rages. This behaviour is now ingrained in her and it will be how she always reacts when she doesn’t get her own way.

Maybe she will be better off in the US. Americans don’t seem to have the same culture as us where people are built up then knocked down. Maybe her tantrums will just be seen as diva strops and she’ll have a team of psychiatrists to take care of her. Whatever happens, I can’t see this fairy tale ending with a happily ever after.

On a lighter note, I’ve just finished my six hour State of Play marathon. I chose to avoid the Russell Crowe remake as to me Cal McCaffrey will always be John Simm. This is a fantastic thriller and in parts reminds me of The Wire, where the police, press and politics all intertwine. What is also fun to watch is Philip Glenister playing a DCI. He may speak with his London accent and the mannerisms are more controlled, but if you watch closely enough you can still touches of Gene Hunt coming through.

I might watch the film of SoP when it comes out on DVD but I doubt if it will be able to compete. How can that anodyne Ken doll that is Ben Affleck compete with the gorgeous gorgeous David Morrissey? Can Helen Mirren live up to Bill Nighy? No!

Now I’ve got to get thinking about writing my own thriller…I have ideas!

Ciao for now

Don’t judge a book by its cover

2009-04-12T14:09:00.000-07:00

Britain’s Got Talent is back and I have to say I’m already hooked. This show to me, is a tribute to the human spirit. How it seems everyone thinks they had some sort of talent and it’s probably true. From my own point of view, my number one talent is obviously writing. But – and without blowing my own trumpet – I can also hold a tune, act and in my younger days, dance. So I think when I was younger and bolder, I would probably have auditioned for either BGT or the X-Factor.

People slag off these shows for stopping proper talent getting a chance of being spotted. But I disagree with that, as a writer, it annoys me that people like Katie Price and Kerry Katona get multi-million pound publishing deals to front a ghostwritten book, while people like me and thousands of other talented writers go un-discovered. Showbiz has always been like this, how many actors out there are the sons and daughters of famous performers? Fearne Cotton (she’s been famous for about 5 years and I’m still not sure why) is a distant relation of Billy Cotton, former head of the BBC. So how can it be deemed unfair that someone is made a star of, voted by the very public they will serve to entertain?

But the main focus of my blog today is Susan Boyle. For anyone who didn’t watch BGT, Susan is a plain, rather eccentric 48-year-old spinster who lives alone with her cat. Unemployed, she has been trying for years to make it as a singer, but has no doubt been ignored because of her looks. She is also the sort of person who becomes invisible in society. I bet half her neighbours don’t even know her name. But last night, she finally had her moment in the sun. When she took the stage to sing, everyone cringed, thinking her another nutty wannabe who thought she was Celine Dion. When she said she wanted to be as big as a Elaine Paige (clever as Elaine Paige is about 4’10!) the judges groaned. But when she opened her mouth, the most beautiful voice rang out and within moments, the theatre had come alive. People were rooting for this woman, realising that just because someone doesn’t look like Kylie Minogue or Madonna, it doesn’t mean they don’t have something to offer the world.

I’m not sure Susan can win the show. Last night’s episode was the first of many and I’m sure as week’s go by, other contestants will come along and wow us and by the time the semi finals start, Susan will just be another singer. But for now she’s got the nation talking. She’s exactly the sort of person we Brits like to follow - the underdog who’s been knocked all her life and finally has her chance to shine. What we need to remember is that the world is full of Susan Boyles. People we ignore or scorn because they don’t ‘fit in’. Perhaps we need to take time to get to know our neighbours and realise that within us all is a little light that shines and makes us special.

An experiment in madness

2009-03-31T12:25:00.000-07:00

I have decided to do something not many authors are willing to do and am to publish my new novel, online, as when it is written - typos, grammatical errors, the lot.

Liverpool is a bit of a departure for me. All my novels so far have been set post WW2 and have been written in the 3rd person. Liverpool is written in the first person so is told from just one view point. It starts in 1912 and tells the story of Sarah Levy, a young woman who moves with her family to Liverpool. Her father is a professor at the university and her mother is a social climber. Sarah is expected to find a wealthy husband but instead falls in love with a young lecturer who is heavily involved in the Labour movement. She also becomes enchanted with a young poor girl called Nellie who is a talented singer and goes on to become famous. The three people's lives will intertwine and of course the first world war will feature, which means lots and lots of research. But I know if people are reading it, I will feel more inclined to keep on with it.
Following in the footsteps of writers such as Dickens, Bronte and Hardy, I am publishing it in weekly instalments (online of course, this is the 21st century!) with each chapter being removed each Friday. I'm hoping to garner lots of comments and suggestions from people as this is the book I am going to try and find an agent with.

Chapter 1 of Liverpool can be found at http://sites.google.com/site/lunchtimereaders It will be removed at 9pm Friday 3rd April and replaced by Chapter 2.

Thank you to everyone who has bought a copy of Two Become One. I will be forwarding the profits to the Teenage Cancer Trust shortly. To anyone else who is interested in buying Two Become One, it will be available via all major online booksellers from next month. In the meantime, if you wish to buy a copy, email me at zeiasonline@googlemail.com
ciao for now

When Hollywood Gets It Wrong

2009-03-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me well knows I love Ben Stiller. Zoolander, There's Something About Mary and Dodgeball are amongst my favourite films EVER. So it was with heavy heart that I was forced to miss going to see Tropic Thunder last year (can't remember why but I'm guessing illness had something to do with it) and so when it arrived in the post via Lovefilm I was excited about watching it. Well, I'm glad I didn't waste my entrance fee as I think I would have demanded a refund.

Tropic Thunder rates amongst the worst films I've ever seen. If you're not familiar with the story it's about a band of actors (Ben Stiller, Robert Downey Jr, Jack Black and a couple of other guys) who are filming a Vietnam movie in the jungle. Their acting is so appalling that the guy who wrote the book the film is based on suggests they're placed in the real jungle amongst the rebels who are still fighting and are forced to act for real. That's at least what I think it was about. The story was so muddled that I lost track half way through. The rest of the film concentrates on their attempts to find a way out (I think).

Everyone raves about Tom Cruise as the balding, overweight Les Grossman, the producer of the film, but to me the only shining star was Robert Downey Jr as Kirk Lazarus. Lazarus is an amalgum of Russell Crowe and Daniel Day Lewis; those actors who take their roles so seriously they immerse themselves in the character and even remain in it off set until the movie is finished. Lazarus is playing a black guy and has even had his face pigmented to make it more authentic. I know blacking up isn't PC but Downey Jr is so bloody convincing that all the way through I had to keep reminding myself that he was a white guy playing a black guy. Without him, I think I would have given up half way through.

Another odd performance comes from Matthew McConaughey who was brought in at the last minute to replace Owen Wilson after his suicide attempt. And all McConaughey does is ape Wilson as though he's channelling him through his body. Not sure why he couldn't just play it as himself. I have to say it's a shame Wilson couldn't do it because he cracks me up and I think he would have also brought a bit of light to this somehow dire film.

It is literally like everyone has thrown ideas into a hat, pulled some out at random and just filmed a bunch of scenes and lumped them together. The ending is rushed and without giving it away, I'm not quite sure why Stiller's character wins an Oscar.

Tropic Thunder just smacks of back slapping amongst a bunch of Hollywood luvvies who thought it would be good to parody the industry and all it ends up being is one great big in-joke that doesn't work.

But I still love you Ben.

On another note. I have started the early drafts on my new novel Liverpool. It's a bit of a departure for me, set in the early part of the twentieth century and at the moment it tells the tale of a young middle class woman who comes to live in Liverpool with her parents and while her mother is trying to get her to marry a wealthy man, she becomes involved in helping the people living in the slums and en route becomes friends with a young girl who goes on to become a movie star. That's the shell of it at the moment, but knowing me I will add bits in or change my mind completely. One thing I do know is that this one is going to an agent before I even consider Self Publishing. I'm so tired of doing my own promotion and concede that I need a bit of help.

Finally check out my interview with Kelly Moran at http://authorkellymoran.blogspot.com for a chance to win a copy of Two Become One.

Have a great weekend y'all

Heaven Knows I’m (not) Miserable Now

2009-03-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

Today I was paid a very high compliment. A friend picked up a copy of Two Become One and was flicking through it and told me it was heavy going. In three pages he’d spotted stuff about cancer and AIDS sufferers. He then asked me if there was any happiness in it. I’ve been asked this before about my books and while some people would be losing sleep, worried that they’re being perceived as a ‘miserabalist’; to me it is an honour because I am in good company.

I worship at the alter of Morrissey. He is probably the only living ‘hero’ I’ve got, to use a cheesy word. I first fell in love with The Smiths when I bought a compilation album called Tune Into the Tube just because it had Relax by Frankie Goes to Hollywood on and I heard This Charming Man and I just thought it was the best thing ever. Even as a twelve year old I could tell the lyrics were rather subversive and of course, that appealed to me (look at the song that was my original motivation for buying the album!). From then on I was hooked.

Mozza is a controversial figure painted as miserable and lacking in humour, his songs dark and sad. Anyone who listens closely to either The Smiths or his solo work will find the opposite is true. The songs are filled with tongue in cheek humour, painting vignettes of Northern life, quite similar to a show like Phoenix Nights or even Coronation Street. Maybe I’m a Southerner with a Northerner’s head but I love the wry humour of Victoria Wood and Alan Bennet. To me there’s nothing funnier than laughing at every day occurrences and creating characters from people I observe around me.

Even though I’m fourth generation Irish catholic, I was still bought up to feel guilty about everything I did and as a child, my nan was always regaling me with stories of death and people’s funerals alongside news of babies being born. When you’re raised like that you come to see life as filled with death, misery and joy. It was only the other day that I realised that in all three of my main books the main characters are Catholics – in Summerset the religious divisions are one of the biggest storylines. In Mad About the Boy, Lizzie is a lapsed catholic who suffers a spell of insanity after feeling guilty for her actions, and now in Two Become One, Toni converts to the Faith. None of this is ever conscious, it’s just how I write; but maybe I can just relate to that feeling that all bad things that happen to me do so because I’ve done something bad and at some point in my books my characters will feel the same way.

Back to Morrissey – yes he is controversial and he has said and done some rather silly things but surely performing draped in a Union Jack was no worse than David Bowie driving into Victoria Station in the 1970s giving the Sieg Heil sign, or Eric Clapton agreeing with Enoch Powell? Neither of them have been vilified for the rest of their careers.

Like many thirty and fortysomethings, I find listening to Morrissey and The Smiths comforting. It reminds me of a time when I felt isolated and like no one understood me. I come from an era where pop stars were people like Duran Duran, flashing their money and good looks. Suddenly Morrissey appeared – shy, awkward and singing about all those mixed up, lonely feelings all teenagers experience at some point and it struck a chord. Not everything in life was rosy and peachy and glamorous, some of us didn’t have many friends and always fancied people who don’t fancy us (that doesn’t change). It was good to hear our angst vocalised for once. Although I have to say that now looking back at old Smiths videos, I do think Morrissey realised he was rather good looking and played up to it and wasn’t as introverted as he liked us to think.

So, maybe my books are miserable. Maybe when you’re a celibate, animal loving, vegetarian artist with a Catholic guilt complex you do write miserable songs and stories. But to me my books – like Morrissey’s songs – just tell it like it is. Life is crap sometimes, other times it’s great and a lot of the time it’s just plain dull. I refuse to write chick lit, where everything is hunky dory and fluffy and all a girl has to worry about is what branch of Prada to shop in and if that rich guy in accounts is looking at her.

Give me Saturday Night and Sunday Morning over Sex and the City any day!

Ciao for now

kx

PS: On a serious note I’d just also like to express my sadness at the death of Natasha Richardson. I can’t help but think ‘There but for the Grace of God go I’. Back in 1994 I had a horrible fall whilst ice skating, falling headfirst onto the ice and banging the back of my head – apparently the crack was so loud it could be heard all around the rink. All I got was cracked ribs and concussion and I can’t help but think how lucky I am compared to this poor woman who had a fairly innocuous fall whilst skiing. It’s so sad and just serves to remind us that none of us know what’s around the corner.

Not Good

2009-03-11T13:28:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to get a little paranoid that my books are cursed.

I feel really bad that I'm releasing Two Become One at the same time poor Jade Goody is dying of cancer. One of the main characters Antonia also has long, protracted death from cancer, all lived out in the public eye. This was all written long before Jade was even diagnosed and the only thing I have in my favour is that I managed to capture the zeitgiest pretty accurately - how when such a public figure is dying that the press almost run a countdown to it and everyone waits with baited breath for 'the death' - as morbid as it seems. The difference being of course that Antonia Smedley is a fictional character and Jade is a real person and I wish her well in these dark days.

I've now discovered that Farrah Fawcett is also dying of cancer. A big deal is made in the book about Farrah being named after the ex-Charlie's Angel. So once again, death is stalking my work.

To try and absolve my guilt I've decided to donate 10% of all the profits I make from sales of Two Become One until 1st April, to the Teenage Cancer Trust.

https://www.teenagecancertrust.org/

Next on the list is Winner Takes All, the sequel to Summerset. I've been reading the draft copy I ordered via Lulu and have been really pleased with it. One of the storylines involves Sheridans being accused of being IRA sympathisers and there are long passages about how the Troubles are now over etc etc. Now what happens, rogue IRA cells are killing people in Northern Ireland and trouble is starting to rear its ugly head again.

Maybe someone somewhere is trying to tell me something. Perhaps I should start writing science fiction about fantastical things that will never happen.

Assuming I'm not some sort of witch and it's all coincidence, I have decided after completing the script for Summerset, I am going to tart up Teenage Kicks (reverting it back to its original name of Starmaker) and I'm going to give Createspace a go. See what they're like. Starmaker will be released under my pen name of K L Thompson because it's a crime novel and different from my usual stuff. A short passage from it (named as Teenage Kicks) can be found on lunchtime readers.

http://sites.google.com/site/lunchtimereaders/

The Ego is Dented

2009-03-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

Once again apologies for being so slack at blogging. I really should be more efficient given I’ve a book to plug, but so many things have been going on, my mind’s been in a funny place.

I’ve finally passed my driving test and have joined the New Driver’s Club by denting and scratching my poor car. I had to manoeuvre a particularly tricky supermarket car park and ended up ripping off the trims from one of my rear doors and putting a particularly nasty dent in. So in a trip to Halfords (fast becoming my regular haunt!) I’ve had to stock up on the relevant materials to bodge up my door until I can afford to repair it properly. After nursing a wounded ego I can now see the funny side to it and thankfully no one was hurt and the damage was purely cosmetic. Thankfully VW Golfs are built like tanks and can withstand quite a lot.

I’m still putting the final touches to Two Become One but I think it should be good to go within the next couple of weeks. I feel really bad about it being so late, but 2009 has started as a complete emotional rollercoaster for me littered with ill health and driving tests but I’m hoping things will calm down now a bit.

Reading through Two Become One, I’ve noticed that sometimes to describe a character I’ll say they reminded someone of a famous person and I’m wondering if this is just lazy writing. I couldn’t see Barbara Taylor Bradford describing a character by saying they looked like Rosanne Barr. Is this lazy or am I just reflecting the thoughts of my protagonist? After all, we all meet people and think they remind us of famous people.

Anyway, I’d better go back to editing and stop being slack. Will be back asap.

Ciao for now x

PS: By the way, even my friend Rob mentioned the other day that he thought he was watching me when he saw Libby on Eastenders!

I am Sally Michaels

2009-02-03T10:36:00.000-08:00

Hi Libby Fox (anyone who watches EastEnders will know who I mean) here, bringing you this blog.

After smarting and feeling like the Drew Barrymore character in Music and Lyrics whose entire life has been stolen to create a hideous character in a work of fiction, (I swear there is someone working on Eastenders who knew me when I was about 16 and modelled Libby on me. She looks like me, she acts like me, she's a swot and now to top it all, she wants to write fiction - I'm not happy) I got down to starting my screenplay of Summerset. I had no responses from my Gumtree ad and decided to do it myself, and will send it to the Writers Room at the BBC.

It's a difficult task because you have to start using dialogue and body language to describe a character's feelings or actions whereas in a book you can write long paragraphs explaining everything. So far I've only written 7 scenes and it's coming along okay. I think the Writers Room don't want perfection they just want to see potential. I dream of the day when Summerset is on the TV. I could just see it as a two part mini series on BBC on a Sunday night. I wish they'd return to showing those big, glossy Hollywood mini series again. They were so much fun.

I found The Thorn Birds on you tube yesterday and I was so chuffed because I last watched it in 1983. I last read the book in 1995 - the year I wrote Summerset and it's quite alarming to see the parallels to the book - the big Irish family living away from Ireland, the poor relation being given a chance to work for the rich relative, of course the forbidden love, the favoured illegitamate child, even the scene where Meggie goes to the party as a 17 year old and she wears a beautiful rose pink dress. In Summerset when Lou goes to the Christmas Party, wearing grown up clothes for the first time ever, she is wearing a rose pink dress. Just goes to show how you can be influenced by something without really realising it.* My only criticism was that it was made back in the day when America dominated everything and the entire cast (apart from Bryan Brown -swoon) are American and do nothing to hide their accent, except for a few who attempt some sort of hideous fiddileedee Irish accent. If it was made now, they would use Australian actors.

I've also started the research into my new book 'Liverpool'. I have a draft storyline and I'm gathering information about Livepool in the early 20th Century. I'm itching to start writing it but with the Summerset screenplay my main priority, I'm dedicating one evening a week to 'Liverpool' time. I'm also awaiting the first draft of Two Become One to arrive from Lulu so I can start checking that and I just know I'm going to find hundreds of errors wrong with it.

It's all go go go.

Ciao for now

*There's influenced and there's blatant copying and I'm sorry that girl in Eastenders is just a photocopy of me - I wouldn't mind if I got some sort of credit!

Belated Happy New Year!

2009-01-26T11:59:00.000-08:00

Sorry sorry sorry for the delay in getting my new blog put up but since Christmas Eve I have been battling the most horrible flu that went away and came back and I honestly thought at one point it was going to kill me. Added to this I've also been amending Two Become One and preparing for my (failed) driving test.

Excuses over and time to get down to business. The first draft of the finished Two Become One is almost complete and I'll soon be seeing it in print for the first time. For those of you not familiar with the story it tells the tale of twin sisters Toni and Farrah who are separated shortly after birth; one grows up to become a supermodel who marries a billionaire publisher who becomes Mayor of London. Toni's beauty, flair for fashion and her loving and giving nature ensure that she becomes a Princess Di type character who is adored by millions. Farrah is equally beautiful but she is also spoilt, selfish and rebellious. As a teenager she embarks on an affair with a much older man - a senior policeman, who dumps her and thus giving her a ferocious hatred of the law. She ends up marrying a gangster and becomes rich by running several lap dancing clubs. The two women don't know of the others existence until Toni is diagnosed with terminal cancer and her mother reveals the truth about her identity. Her final wish is to find Farrah. Do they meet and if so, will Farrah be able to cope with being the newly found sister of 'Saint Antonia' as well as getting her revenge on the man who killed her husband?
It's been a fun novel to write and I'm hoping people enjoy reading it. My next one later this year will be the sequel to Summerset so it's all go.

I've also decided to adapt Summerset for film or TV. I'm currently looking for a screenwriter who's willing to work for nothing but will get a co credit.If anyone's interested, drop me a line.

2008 was a great year for establishing myself as a writer but 2009 will be the year I have to prove myself and I'm excited about what opportunities it might bring.

Ciao for now
Karen

Goodbye 2008 – thank goodness it’s over.

2008-12-31T08:58:00.000-08:00

Is anyone actually going to miss 2008? I don’t know anybody who actually had a nice year and unfortunately a lot of people are entering 2009 not knowing what the year is going to bring. For me personally I am entering the new year as a published author and a car owner, two things I didn’t really think I would be this time last year. I do actually feel as though I’ve achieved a lot in 2008 but it’s been exhausting and to top it all my NYE is going to be spent recovering from the flu and a migraine.

So, enough of the doom and gloom, I thought I’d do a totally irreverent review of the year. All are my own personal opinions and I’m sure a lot of people will disagree.

The Karen Mason Awards for……

MY GOD PLEASE GET OFF MY TELLY – Myleene Klass; Does this woman ever say no to anything? Last Choir Standing, Saturday Night Divas or whatever it was called, Miss Naked Beauty, those irritating Marks and Spencers adverts, Loose Women, Newsnight, The Worlds Strongest Man, Animal Cops Houston (okay I might have made a few of those up). She is everywhere and it doesn’t help that she’s so bloody smug and annoying – ugghhhgh!

Runner up : Take That

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR – Ashes to Ashes; Anyone familiar with this blog knows of my love for this programme. Yes it was implausible, yes Gene Hunt’s been castrated somewhat and yes even my beloved Keeley Hawes (yes there is a bit of a girl crush going on there) was irritating in parts, but A2A was fun and colourful, had a fantastic soundtrack and filled me with memories of when I was an innocent 10 year old and my little world consisted of school, Jackie magazine and listening to the Top 40 every Sunday evening.

Runner up : Come Dine with Me & The Wire

HERO OF THE YEAR – Cesar Millan (the Dog Whisperer); I wish I could control my dog by just going ‘shshh’ and dazzling her with my brilliant white teeth.

Runner up : Barack Obama

FILM OF THE YEAR – The Dark Knight; yes totally predictable but this was a stunningly fantastic film and it’s rare for me to watch something and not want it to end and but that was now I felt first time I saw this.

Runner up : Chronicles of Narnia – Prince Caspian

DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE YEAR – The Quantum of Solace; Casino Royale was such a fantastic film that Quantum had a lot to live up to. Unfortunately it didn’t and was barely any more entertaining that any of the other hum drum Bond films which normally happen at the end of someone’s tenure and given that it’s only Daniel Craig’s second outing, that’s pretty worrying.

Runner up : Remake of Survivors

HYPOCRITE OF THE YEAR – Jordan aka Katie Price; the woman who sells stories every time one of her children falls over and grazes their knee has the cheek to criticise Jade Goody for publicising her cancer plight which has actually increased awareness of cervical cancer.

Runner up : No one matches the vileness of Jordan.

MOST RIDICULOUS SOAP OPERA STORY OF THE YEAR (possibly the century) – Lauren Branning running over her father Max in Eastenders. The child is 14, has never had a driving lesson and normally wouldn’t say boo to a goose but had the nerve to drive a car in a straight line, run her father over, drive off, park the car, come home and let her mother take the rap – purleasse!

Runner up : Anything that happens in Emmerdale

MOST ANNOYING TV SHOW – Deal or No Deal; I’m sorry but all that whooping and walking round and telling people they love them is so schmaltzy it makes my ears and eyes bleed. There’s something terribly staged about the whole thing and it’s turned what was a good idea into something completely irritating.

Runner up : Big Brother (sorry Ange)

MOST UNDERTATED SHOWBIZ PERSON IN THE WORLD (aka you stole my act award) -Alison Goldfrapp. All I’m saying is that I’m sure if AG started buying Marmite flavour crisps in Iceland, suddenly you’d see Kylie and Madonna buying them too.

Runner up : Simon Cowell (yes I’m talking to you Craig Foxtrot Tango and Jason Gardner)

YES I’M BORED WITH YOU NOW – Fern Britton; When she was fat she was funny and happy and amusing. When she first lost weight you rooted for her, then we found out she was cheating and we were intrigued. Now it’s just boring. She looks old and haggard and fed up. Move on. I’m sure there are celebs out there doing worse things.

Runner up : Cheryl Cole & Gordon Ramsay

Finally, my predictions for 2009

Music – I see a return to disco. People’s lives are going to be miserable enough. I think uplifting music is going to be required. (I actually think Crying at the Discoteque by Alcazar should be made the National Anthem)

Television – the death knell of reality TV. There have been too many scandals and allegations of fixing for it to survive much longer. Late entry - Sean Pertwee to be named new Doctor Who.

Books – the rise of self published authors. I’m not just saying that because I am one but publishers are just taking on rubbish celebrities to ‘write’ novels and aren’t investing money in anyone with actual talent. The world is now the oyster for writers to create their own work and I think it’s going to flourish.

So there it is. Happy New Year everyone. I hope 2009 is peaceful and if not prosperous, perhaps it will give people the chance to reassess what is important in life.

Thanks to everyone who’s followed my blog and bought my books or borrowed my books or even said they’d read them and then just ignored me. At least people out there know my name now.

Remember Two Become One will be out soon – quick plug!

Ciao for now and Happy New Year!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUUq0lVylgE&NR=1

A Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, let's hope it's a good one without any fear

2008-12-23T13:17:00.000-08:00

Well here we are, it's almost Christmas and the end of another year.
2008 has been probably the most stressful year of my life. I've become a one woman publishing house; had terrible work worries and took (and failed) my driving test, have bought a car and am now looking forward to failing my test again in January next year.

This time last year I honestly didn't think people would be getting my novels as Christmas presents, but at the sale last week a couple of people bought my books as gifts for other people. It's a nice feeling to imagine someone unwrapping their present to find Summerset or Mad About the Boy in it. I've had a couple of negative comments about the books but that's to be expected. Just look on Amazon at the most popular books and you'll always find negative things written about them. If you're going to put yourself out there as any sort of artist you've got to expect criticism. Look at the whole x-factor thing, many people think Alexandra Burke's version of Hallelujah is the greatest thing since sliced bread but many others (me included) think Jeff Buckley's is the definitive version and therefore he's got to number 2. You can't please all the people all of the time as the old saying goes.

I'm already looking forward to 2009 and the release of Two Become One after Christmas. I'm also taking on my most ambitious project yet, a novel called Liverpool. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a complete plastic Scouser and in my opinion not enough books are written about the city. So far it's going to be an epic love story starting just before the first world war, which means I'm going to have to do a lot of research including a trip up to Liverpool to look in the libraries and museums. The book won't be out until 2010 as I've TBO and Winner Takes All coming out in 2009.

I can't say I'm sorry to see the back of this year and I'm wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Peaceful 2009.

If I can drag myself away from mountains of food and Christmas TV. I will be writing my end of year blog next week.

Merry Christmas

A strange sequence of events

2008-12-11T04:01:00.000-08:00

This is a general tip for my author friends everywhere. It pays to get your name everywhere. Even if it's just commenting on someone's video or book or play or whatever because the internet really does lead to some strange things.

A case in point happened to me the other night. After watching Eastenders (dire UK soap) I did an IMDB search on one of the actors in it, as you casually do. At the end of his page on IMDB, someone had commented and asked if he was the bloke in the Candie Payne's One More Chance video. I had no idea who this was so went onto Youtube and watched said video. I realised I absolutely loved the Candie Payne song and so downloaded some more of her songs (she's a more credible Duffy) so I then downloaded her album via Napster and saw she did a live Napster session, one of the songs she did was Tomorrow from Bugsy Malone, which was the first stage musical I ever saw and so I decided to buy the DVD off Amazon.

So, just by looking up one actor, I discovered a girl singer, bought her album and bought a DVD. Just shows that people can find you through the strangest routes. So if you want to get noticed, it's probably a good idea to blitz the internet with comments on other people's work and blogs and God knows what else because it really is a case of from tiny acorns.

Oh and check out 'I wish I could have loved you more' by Candie Payne, it's ace!

Thank you Lulu for your grand cock up

2008-12-02T10:50:00.000-08:00

The strangest thing happened. I spent the best part of a boring weekend sticking my rather Heath Robinson labels onto my stupid mis-printed books that arrived via Lulu last week (the rest of the weekend was spent worrying about Reggie the car and the fact he conked out). My intention was to take the books to work and stick them in a box in the staff room and say that people could help themselves. I also stuck an ad on Gumtree advertising free books, thinking only a couple of people would respond.

Wow! What an understatement. I went into my zeias account last night and almost fell over to find about 15 emails from people wanting my books. As the evening went on more and more people were mailing wanting me to send them freebies (some cheeky buggers wanted both books – hello am I married to Mr Royal Mail!). I have had to turn people down now because there aren’t enough books left but I’ve kept their names and am adding them to my mailing list as they have obviously shown an interest in my work.

It’s amazing how people respond when there’s the word ‘free’ in the title of an ad, but at the end of the day they were 16 books that were unsaleable so who am I to complain. Okay I’ve had to spend money on stamps but it’s only money I’ve re-invested from previous book sales.

So thank you for your cock up Lulu. It’s introduced me to a much bigger audience and for every person who gets send a copy of Summerset or Mad About the Boy there are all the other people they might lend it to and spread the word to. So I’m chuffed to little mintballs!

Ciao for now x

They're Playing Our Tune by the Pale Moon

2008-11-28T05:33:00.000-08:00

What a bloody week it has been. Lulu have royally stuffed up. I thought it suspicious when the 16 books I ordered last Thursday were dispatched on Friday (given that it normally takes a week to print one book). When they arrived on Monday, I opened the box to discover all the Summersets had Mad about the Boy covers and vice versa. After contacting Lulu (they don’t do phones, had to all be done by email) I had to take photographs of the books to prove they’d stuffed up, even though I’d asked them just to take the dodgy books back and reprint proper ones. Thankfully they believed me and said they’ll re-order the books to be properly done and I can keep the sixteen dodgy ones. At first I thought I could make a bonfire in the garden. Then it came to me that there are such things as labels. So I’m going to make a plain cover for both books and stick labels with the right titles over the top of the dodgy covers and give them away.

So, if you would like a free copy of Summerset or Mad About the Boy, let me know and I’ll send you one (limited obviously as I only have sixteen).

I’ve nearly finished The Pioneers. It’s been great fun writing the book basing fictional characters on real people. I wonder if anyone will guess who they’re supposed to be. Two people are reading it as I’m writing it – my mum and my mate Kelly. My mum has passed no comment on it so I get the feeling she hates it, whereas Kelly loves it so I presume that it appeals to a younger audience. Funny seeing as it’s set in my mum’s era.

As well as this, I’ve found another cover for 2b1. It’s not as appropriate as the other one, but the woman never got back to me so I had no choice but to look elsewhere. I just hope Lulu don’t stuff up on that one or I will seriously consider going elsewhere.

One great thing that’s come out of writing The Pioneers is that I’ve had to absorb myself in the music of the 1970s to get a feel for the era and I’ve so discovered Roxy Music. Because I was only wee when they were at their biggest, up until now, my only knowledge of the Eno era Roxy was Virginia Plain. I was always more aware of later stuff like Avalon, Angel Eyes etc. Eno era Roxy is bloody astounding and even the period just after he left still felt his influence. Songs like In Every Dreamhome A Heartache and Do the Strand rock. I also want to know why Bryan Ferry who is a bit of a pretentious prat who at times looks like Hitler and can’t dance, can still be sexy. I can definitely see why ladies loved him back in the day but he is still a bit weird and at times sinister – weird.

I’d finally like to give a shout out to my friend Angela’s Book Big Brother’s Big Blubber. It’s a bloody hilarious take on the world of Big Brother and Celebrity in general with interesting cameos from everyone from the Queen to George W Bush!
You can buy it right here

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Big-Brothers-Blubber-2008/dp/1438924143/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1227879059&sr=8-1

Ciao for now x

Le Grand Sale!

2008-11-21T10:30:00.001-08:00

In the spirit of Christmas and the fact we're in the middle of a Credit Crunch, I am holding a sale of my books. Visit my website http://sites.google.com/site/authorkarenmason/ to find out just how cheap my books are!

Softly Softly Gently Does It

2008-11-17T11:52:00.000-08:00

This week I was quite astounded to read that Ofcom are investigating complaints from the Great British unwashed about the supposed bullying of John Sergeant on Strictly Come Dancing. For readers not in the UK, JS is an elderly political reporter who has entered our version of Dancing with the Stars (the original version!) and his dancing ability is limited to say the least. For some reason he is still in the competition at the expense of much better dancers. Now, this of course is the nature of reality TV but people are only voting for him because he is the underdog and has cultivated the image of the cuddly old gentleman doing his best (when in reality when interviewed he is actually quite arrogant and shows very little compassion or empathy towards the better contestants who have been forced to leave because of this public campaign). Anyway, the whys and wherefores to this are not important – everyone has their own opinion on John and that’s fine. What worries me is that the judges on the show are being accused of bullying him because they are expressing valid opinions. They are there to judge technical ability and quite frankly John has none whatsoever.

I find this astounding in a week when the news has been dominated by the tragic and horrendous death of a beautiful 17-month-old baby at the hands of his mother, step-father and the lodger. I’m not even going to repeat what was done to this poor child (who was overlooked by social services and all the people who should be looking after him) because it breaks my heart to even think about it. But I can’t help but wonder if that same teenage mother is a product of the same society that is up in arms moaning about the alleged bullying of a rather pompous old man.

Suddenly, bullying is the sexiest word on the planet. The line between constructive criticism and bullying has become blurry and for several years now teachers have been encouraged not to criticise children, to encourage them and overlook the more odious traits in their nature. In an ideal world this would work but let’s take a look at the society it has produced – feral teenagers who think the world owes them a living because they’ve spent most of their time in an education system that is too frightened to criticise because they will be accused of bullying. There is nothing wrong with being brought down a peg or two. No one is advocating bringing back the birch or making children stand in corners but we’ve got to lose this obsession with bullying.

So even though John Sergeant is an insignificant contestant on an equally insignificant TV show, this whole furore about bullying is a reflection on how we now look on society. On a similar vein, switch on any TV channel during the day and every advert is about how to claim compensation because you’ve had an accident (which may have occurred because you weren’t looking where you were going in the first place). It’s all about blaming someone else and not taking responsibility for your own actions. I find it all quite scary.

Do you remember the first time?

2008-11-10T10:16:00.001-08:00

My books sales have stalled a little - maybe it's the credit crunch, maybe it's because Mills & Boon are 100 years old and every flipping programme (especially on the BBC) is dedicated to them and everyone and their mother are buying M&B books instead of 'proper' ones - I don't know. I personally think it's because my marketing isn't working.

So, I am conducting a major study into what made you choose your first book by your favourite author? If I can find out why people bought what they did and where, maybe I can target my audience. So, in the comments section can you please answer the following questions;

Who is your favourite author?

Where did you first discover them? (ie picked up randomly in a book shop, bought in a second hand shop, did a friend lend you the book etc.)

What attracted you to the book? (ie the cover, the blurb, friend's recommendation, author's reputation, media advertising)

Thanks for taking the time to do this

Karen

A new day for America – is it time to draw a line under the past?

2008-11-05T10:02:00.000-08:00

All my life I have absolutely refused to refer to my race unless I have to (usually filling in application forms for jobs, which still bugs me). To me I am a human being first and foremost and I think in life I will always face far more discrimination due to my gender rather than the colour of my skin but even I had to shed a tear of pride on seeing Barack Obama elected as the President of the United States. I say this as a person of mixed heritage, not a black person or a white person. On paper Obama is black and even though I’ve read on many forums that he is as much white as he is black and while that is technically true, these comments are usually said by exactly the same racists who if the BNP or the Ku Klux Klan or whoever came to power, we would be top of the list to be kicked out because they’d never see us as white. I was told by one person once on the Sun discussions forum that I would have no right to ever stand as an MP in the UK because I’m half black. Forgetting that I was born in this country, my dad’s been a British citizen since the early 1960s and most of all my mum’s family can be traced back to Birmingham as far back as the early 18th century, my grand-dad fought in both world wars etc etc. Just because I don’t need fake bake means I could never stand for parliament – ridiculous.

I take comments like this with a pinch of salt and always have done thankfully but I am sure President Obama, along with people like Lewis Hamilton, Leona Lewis, Melanie B and many other mixed race people have faced the same discrimination from both sides of our heritage. Quite often black people don’t recognise you as belonging with them and white people see you as black. I think younger mixed race people probably have it a bit easier because it’s quite common now, but when I was at school in the 1970s, there was only me and one other mixed race girl in a school of 300! It gives you the ability to see the very best and worst of human nature on all sides and I think this will give Obama the ability to embrace all Americans.

What moves me the most about the whole election is that it shows the majority of Americans are willing to look beyond a person’s skin colour and judge them for the person they are and what they can offer. Given that this is a country that had slavery up until the 19th century, and indeed when Obama was born the Rev Martin Luther King was fighting for equal rights for blacks, this is a fantastic move forward and it is so sad the Reverend isn’t alive today to see this. I am pretty confident in saying that if a black or mixed race person came along in the UK offering a proper alternative to Gordon Brown, we too would elect them as we’re all pretty much as fed up with New Labour and the Americans were with Bush.

This is a time for people of colour to be proud of their achievements but also to realise the majority of white people are not racist and will judge you as a human being first and foremost. You are always going to get racist knuckleheads but they’re not even worth bothering about in the first place as whatever their ridiculous views are, it’s their problem not yours.

Here’s the stinger – my only reservation with Obama is that he is actually a secret muslim…….only joking. No, seriously, I see echoes of Tony Blair – the young dynamic politician promising change after years of stagnation, the young, cute family and the lawyer wife who I am led to believe is a bit of a liability and doesn’t know when to shut up. Tony Blair came to power 11 years ago promising to change Britain for the better and instead this country is in a terrible mess due to his weak leadership, stupid politics and willingness to sell us out to the EU (something that won’t happen to American obviously). Obama might seem like a breath of fresh air and I sincerely hope for the US that it isn’t the same, but Blair did for us and was full of nothing but empty promises.

That’s just me being cautious. But that aside, congratulations America - I think you chose really well!

Don't Stop Me Now

2008-11-04T13:22:00.000-08:00

It’s almost the end of the year and I’m looking forward to 2009. This year has been a phenomenal one for me in that I’ve published three books, written several more and bought my first car (even though I actually failed my test). Finding true love would have been the icing on the cake but I guess I’ve got to accept I’m an old lady now and that the chances of finding my Mr Right are slipping away. Never mind.

I am waiting for the photographer of my chosen cover for Two Become One to contact me. I pretty pissed off because I love the photo I’ve chosen and it’s royalty free but I can’t use it without the owner’s permission. I contacted her two weeks ago and was supposed to receive a response within four days. Ho hum. I really don’t want to hunt around for another one.

I’ve decided to add a new page to my website dedicate to reviews. I’m being sent books by fellow authors and feel I might as well put their reviews on my site. I’ve just finished reading The Beatle Man by Scott Liddell and I’m about to finish the Armchair Bride by Mo Fanning now I’m reading Big Blubber by Bluebella and waiting for Kelly Moran’s books to arrive – phew! A whole new string to my bow.

I’ve also been thinking about dramatising Summerset next year. Several people who have read it have said to me that it would make a great movie and so when I’ve done Two Become One and before I start work on the others, I might transform Summerset into a TV drama. Put that Media Studies degree to good use.

I’ve also been toying with the idea of setting up my own imprint. The success of Mills & Boon makes me realise women like reading short, easily accessible romance stories. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to go about it or even if I will but it’s another thing in the pipeline. I’m determined to raise the profile of self-published authors in 2009 and not just me.

On a slightly different note, I’m loving Will Young’s new album Let It Go. I wonder if I should send him a copy of Mad About the Boy and let him know he was the inspiration for Bertie.

And lastly, I’ve just seen a bit of British Style Genius and Robert Elms was on it giving his opinion. That man is on every single ‘talking head’ programme on British TV. Does he actually do anything for a living? I still can’t believe Sade wrote ‘Your Love is King’ about him.

Ciao for now

Ego killed the Radio Stars

2008-10-30T15:23:00.000-07:00

This blog will mean nothing to my US readers so I apologise for the oversight. But I really felt I had to comment on this whole Jonathan Ross/Russell Brand controversy. While I think the two of them are over-paid prats with egos the size of the Mersey tunnel, I can’t help but notice how much the rest of the British media are delighting in rounding in on the BBC and having a go. If Ross and Brand had worked for a commercial station and had made the crank calls to Andrew Sachs, there would have been an outcry for a couple of days and it would have been forgotten, but because it was the BBC and it is funded by us, the rest of the media is gleefully sticking the knife in.

In my opinion, I’m quite glad Jonathan Ross has been taken down a peg or two. He is regularly spiteful to people and his jokes are sometimes too near the knuckle and it irritates me the way he gets all his mates onto his show (yes you Ricky Gervais) and blows smoke up their bums. There is no way he is worth £18 million but I just know that when he comes back from suspension in 3 months time he won’t be at all chastened by what has happened.

As for Russell Brand, I’m a little more forgiving because he’s a prat anyway and let’s face it, his entire repertoire has been built around his sexual prowess. Also, let’s face facts, Andrew Sachs has to live in day out knowing his ‘little’ grand-daughter is in a group called Satanic Sluts. They’re a burlesque group but with added blood, bondage and kinky sex. This does not justify what Ross and Brand did, you do not ring up an elderly man and leave rude messages on his answerphone. Well unless you’re fourteen or you’ve mental health issues.

I’m glad these two men have had the book thrown at them but I know for a fact the media aren’t delighting in reporting it because they feel any sympathy for Andrew Sachs. They’re doing it because it lets them kick the ‘enemy’ while they’re down.

One last thing for my US readers, I dreamt last night that Barack Obama became president then suddenly revealed he really was a Muslim…ummm, weird dream. Funny how all these people in America are saying that they won’t vote for him because they believe he’s secretly Islamic – I think they feel it’s more acceptable to blame religion than to admit they don’t want to vote for a black man. Still, speaking as a UK citizen and only going by what I’ve seen on the TV – I’d rather have an Islamic Obama for president than that Stepford wife looking scary woman as Vice President!

Ciao for now!

Reader I Married Him

2008-10-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

I watched a very interesting programme last night called Reader I Married Him. It was all about romantic novels and their mass appeal. It got me thinking as to what exactly constitutes a romantic novel. For example, Summerset would be classed as a romantic novel as the story centres around the love affair between Lou and Andrew but Mad About the Boy for example has romance in it, but it doesn’t constitute the whole story and yet I guess it would still be lumped into the romance genre, but I wonder if that’s more to do with me be a female writer more than the contents of my book.

One interesting part of the programme was when Daisy Goodwin, the presenter undertook an experiment with the University of Westminster to see if reading romantic novels reduces stress levels. They took a saliva sample from her prior to her doing an hour of normal work and then another sample prior to her reading a romantic book for an hour. Her cortisol (the stress hormone) levels were far lower after reading a romantic novel but I’m a little sceptical as to whether this is due to her reading a book or just that she was doing something that was more relaxing than work.

I liked a point Marian Keyes made when she said that she didn’t like romantic novels where the man was the ‘happy ending’. It had to end where the heroine had learnt something about herself or achieved something rather than just gaining the love of a man. That comes back to my Bronte vs Austen argument. To me Austen is all about the man being the route to happiness whereas for example in Jane Eyre, before being reunited with Rochester, Jane makes her own way in the world and becomes a woman of independent means.

On another note. I drove the car home perfectly well yesterday and it was raining! I’m itching to get behind the wheel again but it means roping someone else in to help – I’ll just have to start being nice to my friends!

I like driving in my car - it's not quite a Jaguar

2008-10-24T12:18:00.002-07:00

Big weekend for me this weekend. I'm picking up my car and driving it home. Not a lot you may say. But given I've never driven a car that doesn't have dual controls before, it is a big deal for me. Because I'm still a learner I'm obliged to have a mate in the car with me, but I'll still be the one making the decisions. I'm so nervous I think I'm going to forget how to even drive!

More importantly - in terms of this blog - I am launching my new book Mrs Osbourne Regrets. An excerpt from it will be on lunchtime readers for everyone to look at and I'm going to start distributing them around. The first draft of The Pioneers is slowly progressing and after that my creative output is over for a few months. After Christmas I will starting work on finalising and publishing Two Become One and then Winner Takes All. I suppose I'd better try and fit in another driving test at some point too, otherwise I'll have to rely on chaperones all the time!

Went to see How to Lose Friends and Alienate people last night and in typical fashion both me and my friend totally disagreed with the critics and thought it was very good. It's basically just a rom com but I like both Simon Pegg and Kirsten Dunst so it worked out well. I really admire Kirsten Dunst - she has normal teeth! Most Hollywood actresses have great big white surgically enhanced gravestones, but Kirsten's teeth are so natrual she could almost be British!
Ciao for now

I'm glad it's the weekend

2008-10-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

Well well well, it's been a funny old week. On Tuesday I took (and failed) my driving test. I'm not too down about it. Apparently 83% of people fail their first driving test, so I'm in the majority. Yesterday I got an award at work for being hard working or long suffering or something like that and the ceremony was a little daunting. I've sung in front of people so I'm not exactly scared about getting up in front of an audience but there's something weird about hearing good things about yourself then collecting your award, then at the end, having to stand and have photos taken. It was only as I was travelling (drunkenly) home on the tube that I realised to myself that if I ever make it as a writer, that it may happen to me again. If ever I was to win any sort of award, I'd have to endure that sort of thing and quite frankly I'm not sure I'd like all the publicity. But I'm running ahead with myself. I can't see Summerset or Mad About the Boy going anywhere near the Booker Prize sometime soon!

I may be finishing the year as still a learner driver (although I do hope to be buying a car soon to practice in) but I will enter 2009 knowing that at least 100 people have read my book and that it's currently in four UK libraries. It can only be onwards and upwards from here.

Mrs Osbourne is now finished and I've ordered one final copy to check for errors etc. A press release will be issued when it's for sale.

The Pioneers is also shaping up nicely, although I'm not dedicating too much time to it as next on my agenda is Two Become One. I'm so glad I've decided to go it alone without an agent. At least the acheivement is all my own. The same with my driving if I pass my test next time. I've had it with being ripped off by driving schools. Sometimes I think they deliberately put you forward for your test too early so you carry on having loads of lessons with them and paying extortionate amounts of money to hire the car for your test.
Ciao for now

Is Reality TV for me?

2008-10-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

Autumn’s here and the TV has become awash with reality TV shows (decent ones that is, let’s forget the wash out that was Big Brother 9 this year). Sad as I am, I’m hooked on X-Factor and Strictly Come Dancing and I’m already adjusting my social life so I’m in on a Saturday night. For my American readers, the X-Factor is similar to American Idol and Simon Cowell is one of the judges (Leona Lewis) was discovered on it, and Strictly Come Dancing is our version of Dancing with the Stars. I like SCD because it’s always fun to see celebrities make idiots of themselves. The ones like Jessie ‘Jelly’ Wallace who are so desperate to win are hilarious. The X-Factor is rather like a guilty pleasure. I know the person who wins isn’t ensured a huge career and that it’s all very contrived, but I still love watching it. Some of the contestants this year were pretty rough looking during the auditions so it’ll be fascinating to see them once they’ve had the stylists go to work on them.

At the moment I’m backing gobby, former drug dealer Rachel to win. She hasn’t been equipped with an off switch and acts like a star before she’s even made it, added to this she’s got a great voice (although is a complete facsimile of Amy Winehouse) and if I was a betting woman I’d put her in at least the top three. First to go will be one of Louis’ groups. My money’s on the appallingly dressed Girl Band.

I heard rumours there was going to be an X-Factor style show for authors, hosted by Simon Cowell’s brother. I’m not sure I’d have the guts to enter it. Being rejected by agents etc in the privacy of my own home is one thing, but in front of millions of people is another altogether. Also, how do you make it interesting? Maybe they could dramatise bits of the novel to so people could get a feel for it. Also, I’m not sure I’d want to win something like this anyway (like I would!) as you would forever have the stigma as being the person who won the talent show. Still, if I sold a million novels off the back of it I wouldn’t be complaining.

I received the first version of Mrs Osbourne today. As usual it needs some work done to it, but fortunately on first looking, it appears to be in the layout rather than the words. I will be publishing it on lunchtimereaders once I’m happy with it.

One last thing. Why has Pizza Hut changed its name to Pasta Hut so it sounds healthy? Like eating loads of pasta covered in cheese and goo is any healthier than eating pizza.

Ciao for now x

Bookcrossing

2008-09-30T05:14:00.001-07:00

I’ve registered Summerset on Bookcrossing. This is a crazy scheme where you log your book onto this website and then leave it somewhere. The next person to pick it up then logs this online in the form of a journal. I know it sounds weird, but it’s good publicity. I’m attaching a link to the website so you can check it out. But can people leave good suggestions? I was thinking of leaving it in a book shop but I’ve a feeling I’ll get caught on CCTV and will be wanted for littering or something. And I think you can forget leaving it on a bus because knowing London Bus Drivers, they’ll probably think it’s explosive and will cause a major incident.

Suggestions please….

http://www.bookcrossing.com/

Karen's knowledge of Music isn't as great as she thought it was!

2008-09-26T14:44:00.000-07:00

Firstly, I have decided not to get an agent. I’ve thought long and hard about it and weighed up the pros and cons and have decided to go it alone. Yes, an agent could get me a publishing deal. But what does that mean exactly? That at least 35% of my sales go to other people when I’m the one who does all the work myself. At least doing it my own way I get to keep all the takings myself. Maybe sometime along the line I’ll change my mind, but for now I’m flying solo.

On another note, with my weird Roxy Music thing at the moment. I always thought Glass of Champagne was by Roxy Music and actually it was by Sailor (top song), and the last scene of the first episode of Ashes to Ashes plays out with a really cool song, and I thought it was Japan and bought the greatest hits of Japan and it was a load of crap and I never found that song. Then, whilst watching the docu on Roxy, they played Same old Scene and I thought ‘hang on, that’s the song at the end of Ashes to Ashes’ and it is. So I thought Sailor was Roxy Music and Roxy Music was Japan.

Talking of that scene in Ashes to Ashes, I think there is something sexy the way Gene pours the wine for Alex without her asking. Don’t ask me why, I’m a strange person. But if you want to watch it, here it is.

Ciao for now Kx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvj2B6NGKCA

Same Old Scene

2008-09-24T13:59:00.000-07:00

Heard from the literary agent. What a surprise, Two Become One isn’t the sort of thing they can find a market for! This comes on the same day I received an email from Hampshire Library saying they’re going to accept a donated copy of Summerset. So that will be at least three libraries in the UK that will have my book in by the end of the year. Mrs Osbourne will soon be on the shelves and I’m asking myself why I even need to find an agent, why don’t I just carry on as I am?

The itch to write is starting in me. I found writing Mrs O quite limiting because it wasn’t much more than a short story. But I want to get stuck into a proper novel over the winter. I’ve also got to do Two Become One and Winner Takes it All, but The Pioneers is starting to take shape in my head.

I almost must mention that I have only just discovered a song called In Every Dreamhome a Heartache by Roxy Music. It is a really sinister song about a lonely, rich man’s love for his inflatable doll. Me being me it has sparked so many ideas for a crime book involving a sicko and his love for dolls. I truly am going to become like Barbara Cartland, knocking out a new novel every 2 hours!

Ciao

Thomas Hardy vs Jordan

2008-09-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

Still not much news. Mrs O is about to go to my trusty editor for some proof-reading etc, then I will be checking it myself once more. By the time it's all printed and I'm satisfied, I should have my car, so I think I will build up my driving experience by touring around the M25 dropping off copies of Mrs Osbourne Regrets!

I've also ballsed up on Mad About the Boy. I accidently pressed 'create revision' on Lulu.com last night and now it's been set back because it thinks I've made changes, so it will be Christmas before it's distributed properly. Still, Mrs O will be out and about by then so it will all tie in nicely.

I watched a documentary on Thomas Hardy last night. He was a happy fellow wasn't he? I confess I haven't read any of his books but after watching this docu I think I will, but I'm not sure which one to start with. I think Jude the Obscure is too bleak and Tess of the D'urbervilles has been done to death so I will probably go for Far from the Madding Crowd. It did please me to discover that Hardy paid £75 to have his first book published - I haven't even paid that for Summerset or Mad About the Boy! And given this was around 1870, that's the equivalent of about £3000 today I would imagine. Apparently it took him five years to gain any sort of success and he started out by giving away free copies to his friends. Amazing, Thomas Hardy had to give away his books and pay a fortune to get published and yet Jordan is out-selling JK Rowling with her ghost-written rubbish. What a hippy dilly crazy world as the Frank and Walters sang.

I also want to briefly mention to UK viewers that on Living at 9pm on a Sunday is a show called The Underdog Show where 'celebs' train rescue dogs with a hope of getting them a home. Lesley Joseph (Dorian from Birds of a Feather) has a little terrier called Louise and it is the spitting image of Sally, my first dog. I want the number of that dog's agent! I want it to play Sheppie when the inevitable adaptation of Summerset is made (got to think positive here).

Enough ramblings. I've cut out alcohol, chocolate, cheese and caffine from my diet in order to avoid migraines. I'm also eating a magnesium rich diet and the change is making me a bit of space cowboy at the moment. Will be back on earth soon, I promise.

Bronte vs Austen – no contest

2008-09-15T04:10:00.000-07:00

With nothing much to report on my own writing front except that I’ve almost finished Mrs Osbourne Regrets and I’m pissed off with youwriteon. I’ve been given a good deal of four and five stars for my reviews of Two Become One and yet they’re coming up with an average of 3 stars, thus putting me at number 33 in their chart, I thought I would give my opinion on a literary argument that I’m sure burns on even today. Who is better – Jane Austen or Charlotte Bronte?

I absolutely adore Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, both in the book and TV form. I’m watching the 1983 version with Timothy Dalton and Zelah Clarke for the 100th time and I’m still enthralled. To me, the Bronte sisters wiped the floor with Jane Austen. That woman is to blame for the utter influx of shit chick lit we have littering our bookshops, all her books are about social manners and finding Mr Right, which is all very nice but I’m sorry Mr Darcy (yes, even Colin Firth in that wet shirt) cannot compare to the sheer brooding and Byronesqe majesty of Edward Fairfax Rochester.

Both Eyre and Rochester are flawed characters who, through finding each other, discover things about themselves. I have a feeling that should Jane Eyre had found herself in an Austen novel, she would have found her match in Mr Whoever and would have become somehow tamed by him. With Bronte, she allows the wilful Jane to meet a man who is her equal. They are as wild as each other and you can imagine that they probably have really great sex!

To me it is quite telling of the times that Jane Austen books are so popular in an age where the majority of young women aspire to nothing more than marrying well. If Austen wrote today, Darcy would probably play for Chelsea. Jane Eyre is an independent woman and by the end of the book, it is she who is the stronger one in the relationship, the crippled and broken Rochester relying upon her for physical and emotional support.

Jane Austen is to blame for Mills and Boon and all that rubbishy chick lit. Her books fill young women’s heads with dreams of unrealistic romance and I find anything that just centres around the upper classes quite nauseating. Why do you think there are no soap operas centred around posh people? It’s because more often than not their lives are so boring. If you’re going to do class you should at least have some sort of contrast, some commentary on the differences between people.

Anything to do with Jane Austen triggers the same response in me as the words Sex and the City – I want to stick pins in my eyes. There is more to being a woman than your relationships with men and how other women see you. Maybe this is more about me; perhaps I’m too masculine in my approach to life but anyone who reads my novels will see I’m not afraid to explore the darker elements of life. If I want escapism I’ll watch a sci-fi film.

If they were musicians today, Austen would be Dido; the Brontes would be Radiohead. Nuff said.

Ciao for now.

Telstar!

2008-09-11T07:34:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to add that I am soooo excited about the up and coming Nick Moran film, Telstar. It tells the story of Joe Meek, the tragic record producer who ended up killing his landlady then himself. I absolutely love anything about tragic characters (hence my obsession with the film Control) but added to this Joe Meek was gay and associated with loads of dodgy people and it’s just the most exciting thing. If you’ve never heard of Joe Meek, wiki him and it’ll tell you everything. To any Muse fans out there, I’m curious to see who plays Matt Bellamy’s dad!

The New Books Store

2008-09-11T05:15:00.000-07:00

In my quest to turn around the fates of self published authors like myself I have come up with a new idea. I have this fantasy of opening up a bookshop for just self-published authors but unfortunately this is unlikely to happen as I just don’t have the capital. So I’ve come to the conclusion that my second best option is to create a website where self-published authors can sell their work.

I’m not even sure if this will work but there must be people out there who are bored with the same old same old books they get in regular book shops and are looking for something different. So I’ve set up this website which just sells self-published and independent authors and I’ll be interested in what people think. So if you get a chance, take a look and leave a comment here.

http://sites.google.com/site/newbooksstore/

On another front, I’ve almost finished Mrs Osbourne Regrets so that’ll be put into its final stages before I published. So curious to see if this new way of marketing my work is effective. Once it is done, I might put some of it onto my website for people to read, but it’s far too raw at the moment.

Ciao for now x

Mad About the Boy

2008-09-06T11:44:00.001-07:00

Is now on Amazon.co.uk

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_w_h_/202-5348328-7691855?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=mad+about+the+boy+karen+mason

It'll soon be available worldwide.

ciao for now x

Role Models

2008-09-04T14:46:00.001-07:00

This was a really funny film and I recommend people go to see it. It's the usual sort of humour a la Dodgeball, Blades of Glory etc but it was hilarious in parts. Best to avoid if you don't like swearing and nudity but for me it was really enjoyable. And Paul Rudd - oh my God, he is soooooo hot!

I Confess

2008-09-04T04:46:00.000-07:00

I was going to keep this a secret but I feel the need to offload. I’ve found a very novel (excuse the pun) way of marketing my books. Advertising is all well and good, but how many thousands of adverts are we bombarded with day in day out and 99% of the time we either take no notice, or don’t buy the stuff. What I need to do is target my audience. Book shops are utter C U Next Tuesdays and won’t stock self-published stuff, libraries are equally tight and ridiculously bad at replying to emails even when I’m offering a freebee. So I then thought about doing an abridged version of Summerset or Mad About the Boy, about 100 pages, which would then cost about £3.80 from Lulu. I could spend £50 getting a decent amount printed then distribute them around second hand shops. My reasoning being there have been countless times in my life where I’ve bought a book costing 50p from a second hand shop, thought it was so brilliant I’ve then gone on to buy every book from that author.

But, to be honest, I haven’t the foggiest idea how one goes about creating an abridged version, I’d feel as though I was compromising my novels and I couldn’t face doing it. So, me being me, I thought to myself ‘why don’t you just write a short novella and sell that in second hand shops’. I decided to write a 95-100 page novel with adverts for the other two books at the back, I’m going to print it off and distribute around said second hand shops. Hopefully people will like what they read and come back for more. I can only try. At least if someone picks up the book, reads the synopsis and buys, well they’re already interested in my kind of work. I could spend thousands on advertising and no one would bother even looking any further because it’s not of interest to them.

I also thank the Lord I chose to self-pub rather than falling into the trap of vanity publishing. With all these shenanigans that have been going on with name calling (certain friends will know what I mean) I got into looking at publishers sites and found there are still hundreds of vanity publishers in operation. I worked for one of these when I left university and every day I would leave the office feeling sick to my stomach after they’d fleeced some poor old person out of their life savings with the promise they’d publish their magnum opus and turn it into some sort of best-seller before they died. When in reality they printed a few shoddy copies of the book and just left them to rot. It was horrible. Strangely enough in the publishing world, self-pub books are looked on more favourably than vanity press, which is weird because you may have a book without editing or proof reading.

Still no word from Lorella Belli.

I’m off to see a free screening of a film tonight. Role Models is by the same people who did Knocked Up and 40 Year Old Virgin, and for some reason they’re trying it out before they release it. That makes me feel better because it’s made me realise that no matter how famous or successful you are, you’ve got to give away a few freebies to get your audience. Will let you know what I thought with my next entry.

Ciao for now x

The British media sucks sometimes

2008-09-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

In continuation of my occasional non-book blogs, I thought would write about something that has astounded me in recent weeks. I never thought I would write a blog defending Jade Goody. The whole ‘woe is me, I’ve done a fart’ publicity seeking is quite annoying and people like her have brought the cult of celebrity to a whole new low. But since she has been diagnosed with cancer, the sheer hypocrisy of the British media has just knocked me for sideways.

Last year when the whole Shilpa Shetty thing blew up, all the celebrity rags turned against Jade in such a venomous way. I think the only one that dared let her state her point was Heat, I can remember her giving an interview with them. All the others treated her as though she was daughter of Hitler or something. IMHO I don’t think Jade’s comments were particularly racist, just ignorant. And I’m sorry, when Shilpa accused her of being common and she instructed her to go and visit the slums of India to see the ‘common’ people who had put her where she was now, she had a point. Anyway, Shilpa was a stuck up madam and while Danielle, Jo and Jade did act like bullies, I think even someone more articulate may well have got fed up with Shilpa’s Miss Perfect veneer.

Anyway, back to the point Now! Magazine in particular just rendered me speechless (there goes any chance of my book being reviewed by them). Jade used to have a page in the magazine where she gave her opinions on things. It was obvious that it was ghost written, we all know Jade is not exactly the brightest button in the box. Then when it happened, suddenly Now! Turned on her, severed all ties with her and wrote horrible stories about her.

Now Jade is ill, suddenly their writing stories about how they wish her well and her brave struggle etc etc. Now! Isn’t alone, all the gutter girl’s rags are doing it. Putting her on the cover, knowing that it will sell copies. Fair enough, they’re in it to make money. But the hypocrisy is just amazing. They either hate her or they don’t. Last year they despised her, so why not ignore her now? No, because she guarantees sales. It all stinks.

Are reviews such a good thing after all?

2008-08-25T13:47:00.000-07:00

Let’s face it, us writers thrive on praise. We like nothing more than when someone comes up to us and says ‘oh my god why haven't you been published before?’ or ‘that book made me cry, the characters seemed so real’. Feedback is healthy for us, let’s us know what works and what doesn’t. Rob, one of my dear friends read the original Summerset and ripped it to pieces, pointing out it was grammatically incorrect, filled with typos and generally a mess – but the story was astounding! I cried for ages thinking that now my book was on general sale, I would be considered the Ed Wood of the publishing world – the writer who made her name by producing really crappy books. However Rob did me the biggest favour. I went away, re-read Summerset and realised everything he was saying was true. When I got the chance I re-edited, got rid of the mistakes, made it read in proper English, not South London English and I feel comfortable now knowing it is in the public domain looking like a ‘proper’ book.

This is all well and good coming from a well-meaning friend who only wants to see you succeed and not look like an idiot. However, when you put yourself into the public domain you suddenly open yourself up to all sorts of crazy people with agendas of their own. Another writer friend of mine, Kelly Moran has recently fallen victim to a reviewer on Amazon.com who has printed lies about her for the whole world to see. He hated the book, but that’s irrelevant, we’ve all got to expect that not everyone will ‘get’ us. What you don’t expect is the sheer hatred that some people will feel towards anyone that is getting on with their lives and achieving something. It seems this person is waging some sort of vendetta against Kelly and her friends, so no doubt he’ll see I’m connected, so I’m expecting a crap review of Summerset on Amazon any day now. Ce la Vie, if his life is that sad, so be it. Sometimes bad reviews can spark people’s curiosity.

I recall writing a very honest review on the site youwriteon.com and it’s never in my nature to be scathing, so I would have been constructive to this particular woman, anyway, a few days later, she did a free will review of my book Teenage Kicks, completely savaging it. She had no reason to do this, she hadn’t been assigned it, it was purely because I’d not been nice about her awful book. I feel if you’re going to be that sensitive to criticism, get out of the game cos not everybody’s gonna love ya! However, to deliberately target people and wage vendettas against them is just sick. Still, I guess it’s a warped sort of flattery; at least you’re important enough to bother with.

Ciao for now

Karen

PS: New game – celebrity truths. Have you ever based a character in one of your books on a real person? I confess that Bertie in Mad About the Boy was based on Will Young – there, I’ve admitted it. There are others, but I couldn’t possibly reveal them yet!

Back to the boring stuff

2008-08-22T08:23:00.000-07:00

Called my local Waterstones today and spoke to a nice chap who informed me they couldn't afford to take either of my books because it would be too expensive for them to stock and they wouldn't make any profit. Well thank you.

But I've been doing some thinking of my own and after speaking to another author friend (and lunchtimereader) who has published through a slightly different house and spent over a grand on it, I was thinking that seeing as I've spent practically zero in publishing my books maybe now I need to invest a little cash to start the publicity machine going. So, I have bought five copies of Summerset and I am going to donate them to libraries. Ah! I hear you say, but you won't make any money. No, but it will get people reading my book and I've cleverly targeted libraries all around Sussex as people love to read about their local area (albeit a fictionalised account). So with postage and the like, we're looking at £50 which is still a lot cheaper than a grand. I've already had a yes from Hastings Library and I'm hoping the others will agree too. Then maybe when people read it and like it and ask if I've written any other books, they will order more in. We can only wait and see, but at least one library in the UK is going to have a 'Karen Mason' on their shelves.

Any title

2008-08-22T04:55:00.000-07:00

Technorati Profile

Spandau Ballet

2008-08-22T04:36:00.000-07:00

I'm bored at work so I thought I would put down a few of my musings and instead of going on and on about how hard it is being a writer - and let's face it, it is hard - I have decided to write occasional columns on this here blog on certain things that fascinate me (no there will be nothing about Chris Isaak or Living in a Box!).

Today's musings are about the ridiculousness of lyrics in early 1980s songs, especially those by Spandau Ballet. I'm in a particularly whistful mood today, and when I can't concentrate for some reason I always listen to Spandau Ballet and I think I know why. Like people took LSD back in the 1960s so their minds could wander and they could be creative and stuff. Well I listen to Spandau Ballet because the lyrics of their songs make no sense whatsoever and it's rather like listening to a Lewis Carroll book, you can sort of let your brain wander off.

Anyone reading this under the age of 30 won't have the foggiest what I'm going on about but hey ho. If anyone can tell me what the following songs are about I will give them a cameo in my next book because I for one haven't got the foggiest - Gary Kemp isn't allowed to enter, but I doubt he's reading my blog anyway.

To Cut A Long Story Short
The Freeze
Musclebound
Chant No 1
Paint me Down
She loved like Diamond (I think it's a love song - but who the fuck loves like a diamond?) Instinction - stealing cake to eat the moon?????

After that, I think Gary Kemp started to write more down to earth lyrics but gawd bless 'em, you've got to love the Spands. It's quite funny seeing Tony Hadley these days; he's very slick, white soul MOR and yet less than 30 years ago he was singing about standing in the dark waiting for a man to come (oo er).

Quick nod to Duran Duran, they too made some weird songs in the beginning but they were normally more album tracks than singles, although WTF Planet Earth is about I don't know.

I still want She Loved Like Diamond to be the theme tune to one of my book adaptations. I've yet to actually write a book that suits it but maybe I can make it a project for 2009, maybe it could be an Elvis O'Neill novel about a woman who cuts her lovers up with a semi precious stone she's bought on QVC.

So, there is my musing on Spandau Ballet. Next time I will be pondering some other obscure thing that fascinates me.

For now, ciao miaow

Ummmm????

2008-08-20T13:43:00.000-07:00

I'm sending Two Become One to a literary agent called Lorella Belli tomorrow and I have to say it felt really weird doing all the prep work for it. Self-publishing then establishing lunchtime readers has made me feel like master of my own universe, now suddenly I am back to writing standard letters and stuffing SAE into my envelopes and stuff. A part of me asks why I'm bothering when I know I'll only get turned down, but if I'm honest, I need an agent, so I'm back on the treadmill. Think I'll also upload 2b1 onto lunchtime readers, so other people can read some of it too.

Aggghhh

2008-08-19T11:55:00.000-07:00

I'm really pissed off. Today started off so well. I was looking on Amazon.com for books on Chris Isaak (I could create a whole new blog on my weird obsession with Chris Isaak but enough of that for now) when I spotted an advert for this thing called Amazon Kindle. Turns out it's an electronic book reading device where self-published authors can upload their work and set a price etc. A bit like Lulu I suppose but more accessible.

I spent the day in a state of high excitement thinking I was going to be able to finally get somewhere, came home, did all the work, uploaded Mad About the Boy, the artwork, set a price, the whole lot. Then discover that you need a US bank account, which means only American authors can upload work to the kindle. Why are us Europeans being left out? I'm so bloody annoyed.

On the positive side, Lunchtime Readers is going really well, we've now got eleven contributors and the work is so diverse that it's great. I seem to be spending more of my time administrating the site than I do writing.

I'm also pissed on with Borders, they reckon they take self-published books. I sent them MATB and they have sent a snotty standard letter back and kept hold of my book (what's the betting it's on Amazon in a few weeks time in the used section) utter gitfaces.

I'm so excited

2008-08-10T12:20:00.000-07:00

Discovered last night that someone in the US has bought Summerset via either Amazon or Barnes and Noble or one of those sites. No idea who it is, but it's dead exciting.

I've also set up a new website called Lunchtime Readers for people to share their work on. I hope I get some responses.

Oooh

2008-08-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

Great News. Took ebooks into the Oxfam shop and the chap in there informed me the tatty old copy of Summerset I put in there actually sold. He also says he'll have a look at the ebooks himself. How cool is that.

Is it all worth it?

2008-08-05T13:36:00.000-07:00

I'd like to know if these feelings of self-doubt are normal. I'm not sure what else I can do to attract people to my book. I'm sending a copy to Borders because apparently they stock self-published books, but I'm so down I'm convinced they'll take one look and think it's crap. I am also worried because they haven't send my order for Two Become One. Lulu can be a bit rubbish at getting back to you and I'm worried that I've wasted ten quid.

I've done 5 CD Roms for distribution around Oxfam shops, but I'm so cheesed off and down on myself I'm convinced they won't even want my freebies.

Perhaps I should just go back to writing as a hobby.

A Brave New World

2008-08-04T13:33:00.000-07:00

In the words of Jeff Wayne, this is indeed a 'Brave New World' (I am a complete War of the Worlds geek). Ever since my friend Alice suggested to me in 1993 that I should consider publishing my work, I have chosen the traditional route of writing, printing, packing in brown envelopes and sending off to publishers and literary agents who won't even read what I've sent. So this year (I think the fact I'm approaching forty is prompting me to get moving) I have decided to take matters into my own hands and have published my own books, Summerset and Mad About the Boy. Summerset was received quite well, but as with most self-published authors it was only bought by friends except for one e-copy that was bought by a nice lady on the internet.

Mad About the Boy is such a rocking book that I have decided to conduct an all out marketing campaign to make sure people are made aware of it and buy it for goodness sakes!!!! Not exactly being rich, I haven't got money to spend on fancy PR campaigns and I'm certainly not prepared to prostitute myself by hawking my work around uninterested radio stations and book shops. No, I am determined to make MATB one of the first books that receive a following purely from the net (except the copies I'm sending out to magazines, but I'm not talking about that).

A whole new world has opened up to me: Ebooks, viral marketing, blogs indeed. I have created a teasing trailer for Mad About the Boy and placed in on You Tube in the hope people will see it and be beside themselves with curiosity as to what it's all about and this will draw them to my site. So far I've had 50 hits and only about 30 of them have been me myself!! I've forwarded it onto all my Facebook friends and they say they'll put it onto people's funwalls, but I'm not holding my breath.

Today I have invested some of the money I've made with MATB on some blank CDs, labels and jewel cases and have decided that I am going to go down the ebook route. Unfortunately I'm not clever enough to sell downloads from my website, so people who want to read it in the US or wherever are going to have to go via lulu.com. But my UK customers can read Summerset on their PDAs wherever they go. I'm going to give away 10 free copies at work and secret another 5 in various second hand shops.

Let's see if it draws me the audience I deserve............